Monday, July 27, 2009

The Next Day

Wow - what a difference 36 hours makes. One, Lori is much better. Two, I'm overwhelmed at the kind words of encouragement that have been sent my direction.

First, Lori is having much less pain. They drained over 10 lbs. of fluid off her abdomen yesterday afternoon. She came back to the room in noticeably less pain. Her eyes said it all. It was such a huge relief for mom and I to see her move comfortably from the transport bed into her own hospital bed.

When this journey started in mid-March, a dear friend in Abernathy told me that this would be a roller coaster. Well, I'm not a HUGE fan of them to begin with, but I don't mind riding them. But this emotional roller coaster is worse than any amusment park ride. At least with a ride, you know it will end. And you know roughly when it will end. Not with this emotional ride. You think you've gone as low as you can go, then you have a sudden incline. Unfortunately, the incline aren't very high right now. And they haven't seemed to last very long.

Though I don't enjoy this ride right now, I'm not ready for it to end yet. This is a roller coaster ride that I want to last for years and years to come. I'm just hoping that the ride becomes more of a Mini Mine Train (Six Flags) and less of The Rattler (Fiesta Texas).

Once again, I know that our family is not the only one to endure the horror of cancer. A) there are many positive outcomes with this disease. God is still in control and still in the business of performing miracles. But B) cancer sometimes wins and how do you deal with it if your family ends up on side B? We are still praying for and believing in option A. However, even with that option, there are still many ups and downs along the path.

Throughout this, I don't want to have blinders on. I don't want to focus only on our pain and the misery or joy that we are experiencing. There are many more around me daily who are experiencing their own joys or heartaches. Just because our experience is one way, doesn't mean someone else's is the same.

I know you can't experience something like this and not let it change you. I just want it to change me for the better. I want to be more aware of what those around me are going through and feeling. I don't want to become a negative person just because things around me aren't positive right now.

As a family, even though this has been a horrible thing, we try to find the blessings in each day. Some days, it's very hard to see. But on others, they come shining through brightly. When I wrote yesterday morning, the last 24 hours had been very hard to find any blessings in. Then yesterday afternoon things started looking up. Besides the blessing of Lori feeling better came the blessing of a chance to really re-connect with friends that I hadn't talked to in years.

Praying for continued good days and blessings!


Chris & Amanda said...

So glad to hear that Lori has found some relief from all the pain. Perspective really is everything and you will grow in this experience and someday God will allow you to use this to help others. Love you!

psn4athome said...

I'm so happy to hear that Lori is finding some relief. And that you are finding some comfort, too. It's hard to see the blessings when you are overwhelmed with the unknown. In those times, all you can do is lean on God and trust Him. Det 31:8 says "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsade you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." and Psalm 56:8 says "You (the Lord) keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book." God loves you and your family and remember that He can heal all wounds. We love you too, Sarah (Hayhurst)

Adam & Carrie Tungate said...

I was SO glad to hear about Lori getting a bit of a break from the horrible pain. I know that this situation is different so I don't want to tell you that "I know what you're going through," but we've gone through a battle with cancer recently with Adam's mom. So, I guess I just want you and all of your family to know that you are loved, that your pain, while uniquely your own, is understood just a little. And that we're still praying and won't stop. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you guys. :)

Jenny said...

I'm glad to hear that Lori is finding some relief. My heart goes out to all of you! I am still praying for you and the rest of your family.

Lauren said...

Glad to hear Lori is getting a bit of relief from her pain. And I am glad that you are feeling better too. We love you and are praying!